Tony Chiado

Well the thing about buying a new car is you go into it knowing who Trump’s number one foot soldier is. The people who own the dealerships. So you’re already down a step there. Then you look at Ford. Nazi. Benz. Nazi. Little cute Fiats. Fascist. Tesla. Definitely Nazi. There are very few makers that don’t have ties, historic or present, to Nazis and fascists. You want to make the ethical choice, so you side-step the aforementioned.

And then you go into your first dealership, like a Kia, and the salesmen are all buzzing around the door. You ask them for a test drive and while you wait, you notice the ominous managers sitting up in the windows on the 2nd floor making sure their subordinates don’t misstep. And because the car sales industry is so ruthless, the relationship between prospective buyer and seller is inherently antagonistic. But it’s not the salesman’s fault, they’re much more like you than they are the car sales manager or the owner.

You take the car for a spin and you’re excited because people have raved about the interiors of Kias. But it all feels cheap. Lots of buttons and features, but little more than a gilded veneer. You feel bad because the old friend who actually ended up taking you on the test drive is hoping for a sale, but you know almost instantly that you don’t want that car. Plus, now the friendship is feeling a bit transactional due to the nature of the capitalist system.

And in a hurry to get out of the situation, you hustle down the street to Honda where the cheap reliable cars are. You ask to test drive a CRV because it’s economical and spacious enough. You notice on the window sticker that prices are higher than you once thought. $40,000 for a Honda, huh? A product of inflation I guess. The car is nice and the sales person at Honda, is no frills. Buy it or don’t, another family will tomorrow anyway. A quick reminder that you, the person who this process should be about, are a simple cog in a larger machine. The drive is nice, the quality a bit more genuine. You ask to see some preliminary numbers and they’re pushing a 10% interest rate for your 785 credit score.

As fast as you run out of Kia, you leave Honda. Across the street, you find yourself looking at another dealer. The salesman who helps you is in his 2nd week on the job. He’s nice but a bit naive. He doesn’t know the true pressure of sales yet, still being reaffirmed that an elusive first sale will be a magical taste of the American Dream. And because he’s new, other salesmen buzz around looking to get in on the action. So even though you have an honest, nice kid trying to sell you a car, the larger system is still scheming against you. But you like the offerings of the car. You’ve done your research on its space, relatability, fuel economy, and more, so you ask to see some numbers. After a short back and forth you finally settle on a number, having to refuse several of the nonsense fees they try to tack on.

But you know another negotiation awaits. They want to wear you down and so they keep you in those dealerships for hours. Finance eventually calls you back to talk warranties and rates. Your stomach is growling at this point. You’re on hour five. The car comes with its standard warranties but that’s not where the finance manager makes his money. He makes his money selling you the warranties and the plans that you really don’t need. The ones that are a net loser for customers. But he’s friendly and assuring you that the car the salesman just told you was bulletproof is actually the biggest pile of rusting junk you’ve ever seen so you really need those warranties.

You’re firm in your refusal. So he shuts down. Sign here, here, and here. He’s no longer your friend. At the same time, it’s finally the efficiency and the sense of control you’ve wanted over this process the entire time. You sign the papers, get the keys, take a picture with the salesman for his first sale, and drive away. A 10 hour process with a final smile to hand over tens of thousands of your hard earned dollars over the coming years because we’ve created a society that mandates car ownership through its land use.

But at least you have your car. Your car that you painstakingly researched to ensure it would fit your needs. And you didn’t buy a Tesla or a Ford or a Benz or a Fiat. You bought a Mazda. But when you get home, you remember that Mazda, a Japanese company, has been around for over 100 years. Of course they made weapons of war for the Japanese Empire. Type 99s used to commit atrocities like the Bataan Death March. No ethical consumption under capitalism.